Willie’s Story
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The Beginning - September 24
Update - October 5
OMG! It’s Willis! Whatchu talkin’ bout! Haha!
Ok, but seriously (heh heh it’s Willis), William Shiner was found by combining the “Shiner” on Lucy’s Black Book, and the name “Willie” from the phone call to the number there.
Now, what can we say about Willie…
Willie’s obviously having some problems. From his messages, we hear that his agent (Richard Brunswick) isn’t too happy with him missing all those auditions. With a penchant for vodka and OJ (not the same as Gin N Juice, I have to say. Heh. Now that I’m thinking about it, isn’t it kinda ironic that he’s drinking Screwdrivers while he’s screwing his own career into the ground?), Willie watches TV and contemplates how much it sucks to be a washed-up child actor (oh, we’re all feeling your pain dude. Even the dork at the convenience store. Ohhh if only we had a moment of fame…). His cell phone rings again (Super Mario Brothers? Oh dear… he’s a gamer AND a child actor), and it’s again Richie.
Ohhhh won’t it all be sunshine and gold when Willie makes his comeback in Bonnie and Clyde: The Musical (pause while I once again laugh my ass off). Willie ignores the Mario Brothers asking for attention again and turns on the 11′o clock news, where we discover the last name “Cisneros” in the captions (enter our discovery of Paco’s last name and his profile).
Willie eventually calls Richie back, where he simpers and whimpers about how Richie was right: there IS nothing wrong with Celebrity Poker Survivor (except like, the “Celebrity” and the “Poker.” Take those away and add in some boots kicking ass and some crying and life would be goooood), and he’s going to make that call RIGHT NOW. Richie doesn’t give two poops though, and mentions that the cell phone networks are all screwed up and how Vince is on the other line.
Oh dear, Willie. I sure hope Bonnie and Clyde: The Musical is still available. If that doesn’t work out, might I suggest Louis and Louis: The Story of the Meeting of Louis Pasteur and Louis Braille? They’re both French! It’ll be a killer!
Woo hoo! New bits of Willie! Ohhhh Willie Willie Willie Willie Willie…
Anyways, this week finds Willie practicing up for his stint on Celebrity Poker Survivor. He’s twisted his limo driver’s arm into letting him in on a high-stakes poker game so that he can work on his mad skillz. Which he doesn’t have. But I digress.
Lucy Brown, his limo driver and poker game finder extraordinaire, dumps him at the table and goes out on the balcony to read Cosmopolitan (who doesn’t love the Sex Quiz?!) leaving Willie to lose $800 in an hour (remember what I said about him having no skillz? I wasn’t lying 
). Lucy wanders back in after a spell and watches the table as Willie dorks off some more (he’s going to be the first one voted off the table, I can feel it) only she starts coughing and acting funny. Looking pale as she watches two hands go down, coughing when appropriate (someone has sympathy for Willie ) one of the guys at the table eventually asks them to leave. Way to go Lucy! Now how is Willie going to last in Survivor?
Willie’s Story has become tightly integrated with Lucy’s Story, now that the two are roomies. For more updates, go here